To: OnTheRoad
From: Richard Dean <richdean@clark.net>
Subject: Emporia, KS! whoo hoo!
greetings from Emporia Kansas (more on this town next time)
The trip across Kansas was interesting -- mostly because I thought it would be flatter (I-70, as I recall, is very "level" as they say out here). Instead I found a nice descent out of the Rockies into the foothills and then onto the wheatfields (or more accurately what *will* be wheatfield later this year). Unlike Utah and Colorado which in addition to their endless stretches of canyons have lots of dead prarie dogs [sorry -- they aren't dogs or even related as far as i can tell except they are even dumber than dogs], Kansas' topography is more gentle and green with an abundance of smushed snakes -- presumably these are rattlers as there is a river named that here, but i can't say i stopped to look [BTW, one of my favorite books is called "Flattened Fauna: A Guide to Road Kill" which I stupidly left at home. It identifies road kill and measures them in relation to lane marker lines].
I stopped in Garden City, which no doubt got its name from the same clown who called New Jersey the Garden State. Aside from having the largest swimming pool in the free world, it is the single most stinky town this side of Savannah. Imagine this: putting thousands of huge cattle [you have never seen cows this big, trust me] into a confined area causes the same kind of smell that concentrating chemical plants along I-95 does. Dilemna: stop and put the top up or drive faster? You make the call. Needless to say, I skipped the pool.
Down the road, I *had* to stop in Dodge City. Tried to see some real life Santa Fe Trail wagon ruts, but was put off by the workers making a concrete trail to see them ("come back Memorial Day" and "insurance regulations" they said), but I did manage to see some lesser ruts. Still, I was not discouraged, for who cares about homeless wagon-riders about to be massacred by native americans when Boot Hill and lawless Dodge City are just ahead? So close your eyes and ride with me..... green rolling hills and blue skies, 74 degrees, you can smell the dead buffalo and soon-to-be dead cattle hanging in the air. Suddenly, you round the bend, and there it is, Dodge City.... or rather RV f*cking hell. Sign on the way into Dodge: "Littering is punishable by $100 fine." OK, where the hell was Wyatt Earp when *this* sign was erected?? Dodge is a tourist trap that wishes it was well-done. Boot Hill is an office building (albiet brick) that -- no lie I have a picture -- says on a plaque: "...some were buried with their boots on or behind their head." Imagine that! What could be more embarrasing that being buried with your boots on your head??
You know those cattle trucks where they pack the cows into sort-of open sided trailers to move them to the slaughter houses? Well, while I was at a stop light in Dodge, one of the female cows (redundant I am pretty sure) decided to take a leak. Out the side of this truck come this tream of urine headed *right* for my pretty-boy east coast suburban convertible (top down) car! I throw it into reverse and miss the stream, but me and the guy in the pick up behind me end up laughing for miles afterwards. Typical Rich story....
all my best!
-r